What if the best way to help someone is to stop trying to fix everything?

In this opening conversation, Ayushi and Rupesh explore the hidden trap of rushing to solve other people’s problems. Drawing on a timeless tale of a master by a river and an unexpected insight from weightlifting, they unpack what it really takes to guide someone through chaos—without getting swept up in it.

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Ayushi: When people come to you for guidance, they often want an immediate answer or solution to their problems. How do you begin helping them?

Rupesh: I usually begin by slowing things down. When someone is anxious or overwhelmed, their mind is often like a riverbed that has just been disturbed. They are trying to solve everything at once, but every hurried thought and action stirs up more sediment. The harder they search for clarity, the cloudier the water becomes.

There is an old story I often think about. A master once sent his disciple to collect clean drinking water from a nearby river. The disciple walked into the stream with a vessel, but as soon as his feet touched the riverbed, mud and sand rose into the water, making it murkier.

He moved to another spot, hoping it would be clearer, but his footsteps disturbed that place too. Growing frustrated, he began pushing the mud away with his hands. The more desperately he tried to clean the water, the dirtier it became.

The master had been watching quietly from the bank. After some time, he called out, “Stop stirring. Stand still, or come and sit on the bank.”

The disciple obeyed. He stopped trying to fix the river and waited. Slowly, the current carried away the loose debris, the mud settled to the bottom, and the water became clear again.

Ayushi: So sometimes the solution is simply to do nothing?

Rupesh: Not exactly nothing.

“Waiting with awareness is also an action.”

The master did not abandon the disciple, nor did he enter the river and clear the water for him. He simply helped him change his stance, where he went from being impulsive to being composed, which helped him see the situation clearly and come up with the right course of action.

That, to me, is one of the deepest responsibilities of a mentor. We do not always need to provide more instructions or immediate solutions. Sometimes our role is simply to give another person permission to step out of the turbulence and sit on the bank for a while.

Ayushi: But in leadership, isn’t there always pressure to move faster and produce results?

Rupesh: There is, and that is why I remember something my gym trainer used to tell me years ago: “Focus on form, not pace or weight.”

When we are eager to become stronger, we want to add heavier plates or rush through more repetitions. But weight without proper form does not build strength; it often causes injury. Over the years, I have realised that training your mentorship and leadership muscles need a similar approach.

When someone is already struggling, adding pressure may look like decisive leadership, but it can quietly damage the person and the process. Sometimes progress begins by reducing the load, correcting the posture, and allowing alignment to do its work.

Ayushi: Then what is the real strength of a good mentor?

Rupesh: Knowing when to intervene and when to create space. Some problems genuinely require immediate action. Others become worse because everyone is acting before they can see clearly. Wisdom lies in recognising the difference.

The true and sustainable transformation does not happen making people move faster or carry heavier loads. It comes from helping them recover their balance, see the situation clearly, and discover the next step for themselves.

So, when someone brings you a chaotic situation, resist the instinct to jump into the river and begin stirring beside them.

Sometimes the most powerful guidance you can offer is simply:

“Step onto the bank for a moment. Let us remain still, and watch the water clear.”